PAIN
Pain? My wife says I am insensitive. I guess I am not as sensitive as most people. An indication of this is that I am continually doing inadvertent damage to myself: cutting fingers, or bumping into things. But I do heal fast. (more…)
Texting while driving is another of the long list of driver distractions that are dangerous. Why have a law against texting without covering all the other distracting activities? We should consider a law against Driving While Distracted: DWD. We drivers are all guilty on occasion. (more…)
A few years ago I was searching for a firm footing for my religious beliefs.
My 1953 Chevrolet pickup had died on me half way between Big Spring and Abilene, so I was standing in the hot sun beside the road with my thumb out. (more…)
You have a novel or instruction book in your head. Everybody does. Maybe you have even started writing. Should you find an agent, finally get a publisher, etc.?
No matter where you are in the process, get Christine Rose’s book Publishing and Marketing Realities. She gives one a real honest look at the book business–based on her experience. You don’t want to make the same mistakes she has made. I made different mistakes and am still contemplating more mistakes. It is a wild and changing business. The best advice she give is, that if you wish to get wealthy by writing a book, your chances are better if you just buy a lottery ticket every day. It’s a much easier and a smaller investment.
Thinking about the present problems the United States has, I have come up with a list of actions I would take if I were God:
First: All political entities (school boards, states, and federal) will rehire all the teachers and give them a 10% raise. I will decide which new teachers will be hired and who will be replaced.
Second: There will be a 10 cents per gallon tax increase on all fuels beginning immediately. Then a 10 cents per gallon increase each year for five years. I may change my mind and increase it even more. All federal incentives for efficient auto purchases and for use of ethanol are hereby recinded. The market will decide what is the best purchase. Oil companies will lose all tax advantages. immediately.
Third: Pot smoking is hereby legalized. The tax on marijuana will be the same as on cigarettes. After one year I will legalize other drugs that are now illegal. This will continue for five years until all drugs are legal. (If people want to kill themselves, I will allow it. I will not pass a law against jumping off balconies more than two stories in height.)
Fourth: The taxes collected will be used first to hire and increase the salaries to teachers. I will be giving large cash bonuses to teachers who are ourstanding.
Fifth: A study to determine the long term health dangers in smoking pot will be funded by the tax.
Send me an email if you have other actions you would like to see taken: god@heaven.org
Engineer’s Guide to Dreams
It was a typical autumn day. Crisp and cold. We had not yet turned the thermostat from cool to heat. The Texas Rangers had just won their first World Series Game.
Marlene fed me candy from her Halloween bowl.
“Here’s some Hershey’s chocolate. How about some Reese’s peanut pies?”
She handed me one after another. I ripped them open and stuffed them in my mouth. She wouldn’t stop. (more…)
ENGINEER’S GUIDE TO DUCT TAPE
Blood spurted out of the cut in my wrist with each beat of my heart. I had cut an artery. It was an accident. My wrist was spraying blood everywhere.
I was working on a colored glass sculpture using broken pieces of glass. It was a flower the size of a very large dinner plate.
I had reached over for the last black piece of glass for the center of the flower and my wrist came too close to the sharp pieces sticking up. The end of one piece of glass was razor sharp and cut my artery as cleanly as a surgeon’s knife.
In a slight panic, I realized my life was in danger and I should call 911 immediately.
But to stem the blood flow I had grabbed my left wrist with my right hand and clamped down stopping most of the blood flow. But this left me with only one hand to hold the telephone. I didn’t think I could dial with my nose. I had to do something.
If I could just hold my wrist with something to release my right hand, I could then dial the phone.
Duct tape. It was right there in my work bench. I pulled a strip of tape off with my teeth and wound it around my wrist. This worked enough to reduce the flow.
But a tourniquet would be best. So I grabbed a strip of cotton cloth, wrapped it around my arm above the wrist, clamped it with a pair of vice-grip pliers and twisted it tightly. Perfect. No more blood flow. I took another piece of duct tape and secured the vice-grip pliers to my arm.
My panic subsided. I needed to look at the cut, so I tried to remove the grey duct tape around my wrist. It was stuck like a new skin. I would have to cut it off.
Taking a single edged razor from my work supplies, I cut the tape, being careful not to cut my skin. I then pulled the tape off along with all the hair under the tape. Good. The tourniquet held the blood flow.
After washing all the blood off, I could see the cut was not that long, less than two fingers wide. So I dried the wound and pulled out the tube of super glue from the work bench. I applied the glue and waited a few minutes for it to dry.
I watched the cut for bleeding while I released the vice-grip pliers and the tourniquet. The glue held. The trip to the emergency room would not be necessary. How wasteful this would have been.
The emergency room people don’t always act immediately on a victim—I mean patient. And I could just imagine the nurses mumbling to each other after seeing the clean surgical cut in my wrist. They would put me where I would be under constant supervision. A suicide specialist would begin an interview, “Sir, are you having problems.” It would take me a long time to convince him that this really was an accident. I had saved myself a lot of time, trouble, and expense.
My great uncle, Johnny Ray, lived on his farm in northern Arkansas a long way from doctors and hospitals. Especially considering it would be by horse and buggy.
He broke his leg and had his wife tie a stick to his calf as a splint. She could have used duct tape. He stayed off it for a few weeks until it healed. My grandfather, who happened to be a doctor, told me that after Johnny’s leg healed up, he could recognize Johnny from the other side of the square in Fayetteville by his limp.
When I needed a way to hold ear protection in place, duct tape was the answer. I had to have protection for my hearing while using a chain saw. Two consume cups stuffed with socks worked perfectly—held in place with duct tape.
Another use that can save time and money is in clothing repairs. A strip of tape backing up a tear will allow continued use of otherwise perfect trousers. (Note the use of the word “trousers.” My marine friend cautioned me to not use the word “pants.” He said, “Only girls wear pants.”)
These same trousers may have holes worn in the pockets from carrying bolts, nuts, sharp tools, etc. The pockets can be made perfect with duct tape. And normal washing doesn’t damage the repair.
These illustrate the unexpected uses of this wonderful invention. It isn’t perfect, but one has to keep an open mind. As Red Green, of TV fame, has said, “If you can’t be handsome, you can at least be handy.”
Duct tape can be your tool.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side and holds the universe together.
ENGINEER’S GUIDE TO
FIREWORKS
The Fourth of July was in three weeks. Fireworks is a masculine activity.
I knew that this was an opportunity to teach Mike, my eight-year-old son all about the splendor, excitement, history—and danger of fireworks.
My wife had no clue as to the intricacies of this manly endeavor and shouldn’t take part in any phase.
“Son, we are going to buy some fireworks. You will choose one of each type so you can learn all you need to know. They are very dangerous but you will have a chance to see how it is done on the Fourth of July coming up and to learn how to use them safely.”
I drove with Mike to a nearby small community where fireworks were sold. I always stayed at or below the posted speed limit as an example.
“Buy One—Get One Free” blazed the sign above the wooden shack. I guided Mike up to the counter.
“You can pick out one type of everything you see here.”
Mike jumped up and down, his eyes level with the counter.
“Oh yes. Some firecrackers and—what are these?” He pointed at the red balls with a fuse sticking out.
“Cherry bombs.” I said. “They can blow your hand off.”
“Are these roman candles? I want some of them and…some sparklers.”
Mike began filling a cardboard box that the attendant handed him.
“What is this tall tube?” He grabbed a tube with a wood block attched.
“That’s a sky-bomb. Very dangerous. It will send a missle high in the air that explodes with a very loud bang,” I said, smiling. “We’ll take that one and two of these and that larger one there.” We got one of everything.
“Wow!” Mike said, jumping up and down.
As I drove home, I began to give Mike instructions on the use of fireworks.
“Mike, you must never ever set off fireworks in the city limits. It is illegal. And our neighbors would be very unhappy. Do you understand?”
“Yes Dad. Where are we going to shoot these?”
“On the 4th we will drive out to a secluded parking lot or gravel area. Not in any city.”
“Like this one right there?” Mike pointed.
“Very good. Yes. That might be perfect. But you must remember that I need to light these. You can watch and when you get older, maybe next year, you can set them off yourself. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Dad.” Mike dropped his head.
A week later, I returned from my work at a very important company and went to the mailbox at the street. I noticed in horror small burned paper evidence of firecrackers strewn on the pavement. I looked up to see my eight-year-old neighbor’s son run into his house.
I confronted Mike. “You have taken firecrackers from the box and set them off in the street!”
Mike stood in front of me with his head hung. He didn’t deny that he had disobeyed my order not to touch the fireworks until the 4th of July.
“You must be taught a lesson for this. You will not get to see these set off. I am donating the box to an orphan home where the children know how to obey authority.
I knew that Mike would remember this extreme punishment and learn from it.
Even so, I wanted to save these fireworks, perhaps until a year later. So I hid the box in the basement garage above my workbench. I pushed it into a corner of the top shelf where tools and supplies were stored. This was a perfect place where Mike wouldn’t find them.
Months later, I was working at my bench on a steel part for a car I was re-building. The part was clamped in a vice to hold it while I pressed an industrial grade right-angle grinder against the part to grind it to a desired shape.
The right-angle grinder is a masculine tool that sends a long heavy stream of sparks. I wore a head and face hood for protection.
With my head down and intent on the part, I heard, over the sound of my grinding, a whistling noise. It began on a high note and descended, similar to a Stuka bomber in a dive. I stopped my grinding and was pounded by a loud explosion from up above—where the fireworks box was hidden.
I ripped off my hood and look up to see bright flashes of fireworks going off. The box whistled and flashed with repeated explosions.
I realized that the house would be burned down. The fireworks were up against the wood floor and framing. It would be impossible to save the house. But I looked at the two cars in the garage and saw that I might save them.
I ran to the garage door opener on the wall and yelled to my wife upstairs, “Call the fire department! Call the fire department!”
I punched the garage door opener. More and larger explosions continued from the fireworks. The garage door started up.
The door jammed half-way up. The explosions had bent the door. I looked while my heart pounded. The cars will be burned up too. I screamed again, “Call the fire department! Call the fire department!”
At this moment, Mike came under the half opened garage door, holding a water hose. He walked to the back of the garage, and sent a heavy spray into the upper corner where the fire was raging. In a few seconds the fire was out.
My wife had not yet called the fire department.
I lay on my back in the driveway, regaining my breath. Relieved that my wife hadn’t called the fire department. I won’t have to explain to them that Mike had set off fireworks illegally in the street.
Perhaps the lesson I tried to teach him will be even more impressed on his brain that fireworks are dangerous
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